The Elbow G-Spot

So I took this relationship class when I was 18 in Junior College. I thought it would be a good way to meet chicks, but due to the fact it was Snow College and there were only 5 datable girls in the entire school and those 5 weren't in the class I was sorely mistaken. But I did learn something valuable there. The professor stated that 85% of the time when a girl grabs a man's arm near his elbow when she speaks to him he will ask her out. Now I thought about all the girls I know that appear to have mastered this technique and found out they have busy dating lives and are asked out all the time. My 90 year old grandma is an example of this. She touches men's arms when she talks with them, needless to say she is still dating and has been proposed to numerous times since my grandpa passed away. She is some kind of Elbow Yoda....Shes still got game....due to her Elbow G-Spot wizardry.

You are probably saying, "no way its that easy?" I am sorry to break the news to you ladies but we are that easy. The way into our pants is through our elbows. (At least its one of the Kazillion ways). You need to first understand the fact that we are 100% physical creatures and are constantly thinking about sex. When a women touches a man's arm/elbow he is thinking if you are willing to touch me you are probably willing to Fu-- me. Why we jump to this conclusion is a mystery. When a man first meets a girl, he checks her out and then thinks to himself, "could I have sex with her?" If the answer is yes then he starts to wonder does she like me enough that I could ask her out and she not turn me down. By simply touching his arm near the elbow G-spot area he will immediately assume that you want him. This gives him enough confidence to call you and ask you out. (Keep in mind this touching should not be confused with the same kung fu grip elbow grab Aunt Bethel would give you when you got in trouble while she was babysitting you.) Hey and if your not really attracted to the guy this skill is still an easy way to mess with his head and get him to do about anything you want him to....free drinks at a bar, write your term paper, complete that new project for you at work. I work with a girl that does this to all the other male managers and there is not a favor she can ask for that any of the guys at work wouldn't do for her....

If you are in a serious relationship don't assume this technique still can't be used on your man. I can tell you right now when my wife touches my arm/elbow looks me in the eye and asks me to do something it works about every time....For some reason I assume that we will be having sex later so I have no problem doing whatever she asks. You would think that since I am aware of the technique that I would be immune to it but since I my mind is also consumed with sex it still works.....Men may say they don't like it when women hold sex over them in order to get what they want (we think we are smarter creatures than that but were not)...the truth is we really don't care as long as the end result is doing the no pants dance. So sad but so true.

The funny thing about this technique is how simplistic it is and how disastrous it can be if used incorrectly or by mistake. There are those women who are more touchy than others. They use this technique and don't even know it. When they walk with any man they grasp their arm or when they are having casual conversations. These are the women that never understand why guys always get the wrong impression. They are clueless to the sexual ramifications their elbow grabbing is having on us......or are they?????

Before you say this is totally bogus try it out and post your experience. (Don't knock it until you have tried it.)

(((WARNING IF YOU ARE A DUDE AND YOU ARE READING THIS. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU TRY IT. THIS DOES NOT WORK ON WOMEN. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME GO GRASP THE FIRST FEMALE ELBOW YOU SEE AT WORK AND TALK TO HER. YOU WILL BE SITTING IN YOUR BOSSES OFFICE SO FAST DISCUSSING THEIR SEXUAL HARASSMENT POLICY. NEVER INVADE A WOMAN'S COMFORT ZONE. SHE WILL INVITE YOU IN WHEN SHE IS READY.)))

Just got Eye F---ed

Alright so I just got eye fu--ed by a manager at work. Now how do I know I was eye fu—ed…this is not a science but there is a certain way a girl can look at you that you know she is into you, and its sexual. Now as I say that, I think to myself, "I wonder of all the times I have been eye fu—ed what percentage of those times actually count." To be honest there may be some cases a girl gives me the look and I think I am getting eye fu—ed (missionary style) but really she is just thinking, “that dude has weird hair.” Or “I don’t like that shirt.” For my egos sake I always tell myself that I am 100% accurate determining a good eye fu-- but I know there are exceptions to the rule. It reminds me of my Gaydar I think it is 100% perfect but I have been told that Ryan Seacrest is straight numerous times and that means my Gaydar is off a few degrees. Due to the positive affect eye fu—ing can have on relationships and sending a message to the guy you have the hots for let’s analyze this ancient art of eye love making.

Eye fu—ing is a skill that only girls with sex appeal can pull off. Woman that naturally have sex appeal do not need to be taught how to eye fu--. They eye fu—like its no tomorrow and they do it well. From a man’s point of view eye fu—ing is welcomed under any and every circumstance. There is never a time or place where a man will not appreciate a good old fashion eye fu--. Church, work, funeral, school, wedding, parent teacher conference, open heart surgery, science lab experiment……For the benefit to women and the future men that will get eye fu—ed I am going to share my knowledge with all you ladies and give you eye fu—ing 101. To properly eye fu—your thoughts need to be in the right place. When you look at him think about having sex with him and unload on him the “sexy smile”. Now you are probably thinking what is a sexy smile? This type of smile does not include a lot of teeth and to be honest is more of a smirk but since your thinking about sex the message will be sent through your eyes. A woman’s thoughts affect her eyes. Something to remember is if you are naturally attracted to this person you will eye fu—and not even know it.

Here are some tips to avoid when trying if you’re a virgin eye fu—er 1. Don’t bite your lip-this looks like you’re trying to hard (similar to the last “O” you faked). 2. Don’t look so long it becomes a stare this might send a stalker message or make him feel uncomfortable. 3. Don’t worry about how you look or what you are wearing. The only thought you should have is, “I am sexy and he is hot…” 4. You don’t have to look him up and down that is so 1984 yo. A woman who really knows how to eye fu—does not have to do this.

Lastly, ladies go have fun eye fu—ing until your retinas hurt, but please remember if you use this skill incorrectly you may be in a situation where you are saying these exact words,” I am just not into him that way and he wants me. I am not sure what happened I never said anything to lead him on.” But what she doesn’t know is that she eye fu—ed the guy raw and now he thinks there is a chance.